Teen Dating Abuse Directly from Teens
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Parents put their kids’ safety first from installing baby gates to fastening bike helmets and seat belts. Once kids hit adolescence, the risks can become less obvious. For example, When it comes to teen dating violence, many parents don’t know the risks and may not be able to offer the help their children need.
When parents recognize abuse, their attempts to intervene can be off-target and often go ignored. Parents & anyone else who knows a teen can learn about teen dating abuse and hear from teens themselves. From social media abuse, to controlling behavior, teens reveal what’s happening in their lives. Marjorie Gilberg, executive director of Break the Cycle, a leading national nonprofit organization addressing teen dating abuse, about what they should — and shouldn't — do if they suspect their teen is in an abusive relationship.
The Warning Signs:
- Isolation: Does your child have fewer friends than he/she did before getting involved with him or her or a new group of friends? This speaks to the isolation that an abusive teen imposes on a another. Isolate him/her first from friends, then from outside activities, and then family. She/he can then become emotionally dependent on the abuser, and find it difficult to leave.
- Emotional Changes: In the early infatuation stage of any relationship teens are often happy. Once the boy or girl becomes abusive, the teen begins feeling sad and desperate. She or he may cry more or want to be alone.
- Constant Communication: Does your daughter's boyfriend constantly call or text her, and she must call him back immediately? He might ask her where she is, what she's doing, who she's with, what time she'll be back and how many other boys she has spoken to. This also goes in reverse.
- Jealousy Issues: If your teen looks at or speaks casually with another teen, does he or she get upset? Did he or she tell her that he loved him/her early in the relationship? This is his "hook." Your daughter or son might find this romantic, but it could be another red flag for jealousy and issues with control.
- The Background: If your teen's friends or boyfriend or girlfriend come from a tragic home life, it could mean trouble. He or she might not be far behind in his or hers parent's footsteps if they use drugs or are abusive to him/her or each other.
- The Need to Impress: When he or she gives "advice" about her/his choice in friends, hairstyle, clothes or makeup, notice if your teen is following his/her every word. Your daughter is likely in complete denial and may be in fear of what he will do to her if she doesn't change.
- Making Excuses for Him: Your teen might stick-up for their actions, defending his or her words and actions. Don't let your teens denial force you to ignore your gut! He or she may have convinced your teen that she or he too sensitive when calls her names or told your teen "only kidding."
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